Tips for Being a Great Cancer Friend
Last week, I shared my thoughts on Curb Your Enthusiasm’s recent “No Cancer Friend Reciprocity” Pact.
Shout out to my friends and family for helping me on my quest for wellness, and for anyone looking to support cancer fighters near and dear to them, here are a few tips to get you started beyond texts and phone calls.
Tips for being a great cancer friend:
Efficient hospital visits: I’ve spent more than enough time at the hospital and during these stays, it’s hard to anticipate what your mood and energy level will be like. Sometimes, the overstimulation from nurses popping in, PT sessions, and all the tests/drug schedules can become so exhausting that you just want to be left alone. Other times, the loneliness kicks in and you could really use a friendly face. That said, I never wanted to feel burdened with the task of entertaining or hosting and found watching shows with visitors as a perfect solution. Once, after surgery, my old roommate Matt came by after work and we started Stranger Things together. Like the rest of the world, it quickly become one of our favorites. We even made a point of meeting up to start the most recent season together and thinking back to those good times still warms my heart. What I love most about the show approach is that it kept us engaged and entertained without needing to bring up cancer, work, or worry about any conversation lulls in an otherwise depressing environment.
Gifts: Right around the time that I first began treatment, I received a sizable package at our front door. After opening, it took me a few moments to actually process that my friend Jaffar had bought me an X-box. I felt, and still do, that it was so incredibly beyond generous… The gesture really blew me away. He was living in Amsterdam at the time, unable to visit in person but knew that I would have too much time on my hands, and that passing time during treatment would be one of the hardest parts. Other gifts that I’ve enjoyed over the years were books, puzzles, and cozy blankets (great for during treatment). It may be just enough to raise your friend’s spirits for a few weeks. And when you’re fighting cancer, every day counts.
The Dinner Pop-in: Picking a night to bring and have dinner with a cancer fighter is a great way to help them tackle loneliness, as well as save them time, money and energy. It’s much more enjoyable to chat while breaking bread together and this also provides a natural exit strategy. During week nights, it’s totally understandable that you have to get ready for work or your own life responsibilities the next day.
Meeting for juice, tea or coffee: All it takes is an hour of getting out of the house, being reminded that I have people to see and share the world with and these meet ups put me in a healthier and more energized headspace for the rest of the day. This has been my go-to for catching up with old coworkers, clients or friends that have moved away but still work in Manhattan. Lots of great times.
Watching the game: Each month, my buddy Frankie and I try to pick a hyped up Thursday night NBA game to watch together. Thursdays in particular are great because you’re already feeling the weekend buzz. Plus, Inside the NBA halftime shows with Shaq and Charles Barkley are as entertaining as it gets. There’s still plenty of time for us to catch up time during commercials, but for the most part, we’re two passionate hoops fans who enjoy exchanging brilliant and of course, always insightful analysis along the way.
Rally the troops: When things weren’t looking so great for me, a few of my old fraternity brothers took things into their own hands. Each week, they’d rally to come visit and hang out at my apartment for a night. As it became more consistent, I felt guilty for the imposition but they insisted on supporting me. Looking back, I didn’t realize how much I needed that camaraderie, but I absolutely did, and to this day, them making me a priority has been one of the most crucial keys to helping me overcome some truly challenging and low moments. Our meetups gave me something to look forward to and we figured out different ways to entertain ourselves as it went along… We’d always come up with new ideas. The only consistent themes were enjoying good wine and that ultimately, we’d end up bickering like an old married couple.
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** The “No Cancer Friend Reciprocity” Pact