The Importance of Thrivers
A few years ago I wrote a post, A Tale of Two Worlds, on how Kori and I were struggling to find others our age on the cancer journey— people that were also going through it. As time went on, I was able to branch out, but soon came to learn that one of the hardest parts about making cancer friends is … well, you grow attached to someone with cancer.
Bad things can happen. And when they do, it hurts. To have people you’ve grown close with suddenly announce they’ve experienced setbacks or update you that “scans showed… (it never matters what’s shown— if scans are showing anything, it’s usually not good), these crushing blows can drain the life out. It also brings out fear of reminding you that something could happen to you too.
From my experience, only time and acceptance help soften the blow of loss itself. Embrace the burn and pay your respects. If it didn’t hurt, what would that say about how much they meant to you?
As for the fear that can strike afterwards, that’s where cancer thrivers come in. For when one person, just by their very existence, can provide inspiration as a living example for someone else who’s at their lowest, most vulnerable state… what greater gift is there in the world?
I’ll never forget the time I finally came across a metastatic bone cancer thriver; earlier this week, I was revisiting the experience while working on my memoire, and even just reliving the moment helped me feel more grounded while I’d been struggling with scanxiety.
It mattered so much because as a cancer fighter, while there are plenty of thrivers out there, many just won’t resonate with you. Sometimes it’s only when you find someone who’s journey resembles your own specific scenario, or who you relate to on a deeper level— those are the ones that truly instill belief that your survival is possible too.
Despite my brutal prognosis, when I connected with this person who’d faced the same rare cancer; experienced the same intensive treatments, surgeries and aggressive recurrences; was even given the same harrowing survival rate (her’s was actually <5%) and somehow managed to turn it around… well, that changed everything.
One of the main reasons I share my journey has been to pass along encouragement to others in rough shape, who need to restock their hope supply levels. I’m still just as worried about what might be around the corner so that’s not to say I feel safe or any more secure than the next cancer fighter; it’s just that despite the odds, I was able to make progress and I’m still alive today when I wasn’t supposed to be.
Of all people, I know how much of a difference it can make for others who need to read it.